


Support

by Nickoliz_B1



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Depressed Kozume Kenma, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, Kuroo Tetsurou is a Good Friend, M/M, Nekoma, POV Kozume Kenma, References to Depression, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:08:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227056
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nickoliz_B1/pseuds/Nickoliz_B1
Summary: ~Everyone needs support every once and a while.~
Relationships: Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou
Comments: 1
Kudos: 43





	Support

It hurts to stand. It hurts to open my eyes. It hurts to move. It hurts. I just want to sleep. Disappear into an empty nothingness. Black. Cold. Nothingness. 

* * *

Pulling the covers off my body hurts. Standing up to shower hurts. Washing my body hurts. Brushing my teeth hurts. Looking at the hairbrush hurts. Cleaning my room hurts. Putting on my uniform hurts. Walking down the stairs hurts. Looking at the bowl of cereal hurts. Not eating hurts. Walking out of the house hurts. Waiting hurts. Seeing the silhouette in the distance hurts. Putting on a smile hurts. Waving hurts. Going to his side hurts. Having him pat my head hurts. It all hurts. 

“Kenma you didn’t brush your hair.” Kuroo comments. I shrug and continue walking slowly. “You’ve been walking slower too.” he says. I shrug again and try to pick up my pace. It hurts. A lot. “Your mom said you skipped breakfast again.” Kuroo tells me. I sigh and keep looking forward. I hear Kuroo sigh and we continue to the train. 

“Sit in front of my seat.” Kuroo tells me. I sit criss cross in front of him and wait. He opens his bag and pulls out milk bread and a slice of apple pie. “Eat.” he says handing me the food and a fork. I eat and soon start to feel something going through my hair. I look up and Kuroo pushes my head back down. Brushing my hair. Kuroo brings an extra hairbrush for me. I eat the food as he gently brushes my hair. He gets all the knots out and begins to braid my hair. He braids from each side leaving some in the back and ties them together in the back. He usually does this before practice but he probably did it now because it saves him time. He pats my head so I get up to sit in a seat next to him. He holds out a hand and I give him the other half of the milk bread I tore off. 

When the train arrives we get off and begin to walk to class. “Have you been walking slowly lately?” I look over and Kuroo is watching my feet. I look down and shake my head, “This is a normal pace.” He shrugs, “Too slow for me.” He runs in front of me, grabs my legs and pulls me onto his back. I struggle for a minute before putting my arms around his neck. Not too tight. He carries me on his back to the school and drops me off as we enter the school zone. “Walk fast and get to class on time.” Kuroo tells me before heading off. I sigh and make my way to class.

The blue sky and green grass sits outside my window. So close yet so far. The third floor. Enough of a height to kill someone. No one has done it before. Could be the first. No. Stop. I look at the board and then my notes. Nothing. Blank. I look over and everyone is writing stuff. The teacher’s mouth is moving but I can’t hear the words coming out. It’s like I’m not even in the class. I stand up and no one sees. No one looks. I look down at my seat and my body is still there. I look at my hands and they are faded. What is this?

I wake up to cold water all over me. I’m not in class anymore. I’m on the court. The team is gathered around me. They look scared. “Kenma are you okay?” they ask. “How did I get here?” I ask but they can’t hear me. They look at each other and start discussing but their voices start to fade and I can’t hear. My head begins to spin and the world fades again into black. 

“Kenma!” I open my eyes to Kuroo. He looks scared. I’m back at my desk. “Kenma, did you not sleep enough last night?” Kuroo asks. No, I didn’t sleep at all last night, I think. “I slept well.” I say. He can hear me this time. He pats my head and grabs my hand. “Well come on. It’s time for lunch.” 

We sit at the rooftop with some of Kuroo’s other friends. I won’t say my friends. They only talk to Kuroo. I am only acknowledged by Kuroo. That’s fine though. I don’t like people anyways. I move away from their group to look over the edge. It is a far drop. If you were to swan dive it would be instant death. A normal jump may take a few minutes before the death. Considering my height though I might have a better chance of dying first jump. . . “Kenma.” Kuroo calls. I look up and he grabs me, pulling me away from the edge. “What the hell were you doing?” he whispers. I’m practically on his lap. He pulled my close and whispers quietly to keep them from hearing. When I don’t respond, he gets up and pulls me up with him. “Sorry guys. See you later.” 

Kuroo drags me to the bathroom and locks the door. “What the hell Kenma?” I keep my eyes away from his. “What.” I mutter and Kuroo won’t take it. “What? What you ask? What the hell is going on with you?” Before I can respond, my panic kicks in. Panic attack. Triggered by yelling. Kuroo knows this. My breathing picks up and I start to play with my fingers. When Kuroo realizes what he triggered he panics too. “Oh god, Kenma I’m sorry. I’m not mad. I didn’t mean to yell.” He slowly lowers me to the ground and moves me onto his lap. “Listen to my heart. Match my breathing.” Kuroo tells me. I try to listen but I can’t hear. I hear laughing. Crying. Yelling. Talking. Whispering. Birds. Crickets. Dogs. Cats. Everything. It’s so loud. It’s so loud. It’s so loud. 

  
  


When I wake up, I’m in the nurses room. It’s empty. Not even the nurse. My bag sits on the chair next to me. There sits a note. I don’t even read it. I slowly move myself off of the chair and grab my bag. The first place I go is the gym. The team is practicing. They seem to be doing fine. Fine without me. The brain, yeah right. I’m just another level on the way to a boss. Kuroo seems to notice me. Who else would. 

“Let’s go.” he says. He walks right past me and straight to the locker room. “What about the team?” I ask and he shakes his head, “They know the drill. I told them everything and they still have their vice captain.” I sigh and follow him to the locker room. I wait outside for him to change and grab his stuff. We get our stuff and make our way out of school.

On the train, Kuroo finally talks. “Want to talk about it?” he asks. “About what?” I play dumb. “Anything.” he says. Anything. Really. Anything. How it hurts to wake up. How it hurts to get out of bed. How it feels nice thinking about death. How the roof of the school seems nicer knowing I can die up there. How I really feel. Do you really want to know it all? “It’s too much.” I say aloud. “What is?” Kuroo asks. I look at him this time. He seems sad. Worried. Scared. “Life.” I whimper. I can’t take it. It just falls out. Kuroo sighs and pulls me close. His breathing isn’t even though. I can feel him hic and the tears hit the top of my head. “You can talk to me. You know that right?” Kuroo tells me. I nod and I let the tears fall. “I’m sorry.” I whisper and he laughs, “Nah, I should be sorry. I saw the signs for weeks but I couldn’t tell until today.” I shake my head and look up at him, “I should’ve talked.” “I should’ve asked.” We laugh shakily, holding onto each other until the train comes to a stop. 

  
  
  


“I’m staying the night aunty!” Kuroo yells as he enters. No response. She’s not home. Neither is Dad. We head upstairs and I plop myself onto the bed. Kuroo throws his stuff into the corner and sits with me. “No one home again.” he comments. I nod. Why would they be home? They don’t even eat dinner with me anymore. I don’t say that though. That’d be too much information. Kuroo turns his body so he’s facing me and his back to the wall. “Will you talk to me?” he asks me. I sit up and turn to face him. “About what?” I ask and he shrugs, “Everything that has been on your mind the past few weeks.” I nod and sigh. 

It’s a hard conversation to have. It feels good after though. It feels really good. A weight lifted off of me. It still hurts. Everything still hurts. But I’m not alone anymore. That fills one of the many tiny holes in my heart and soul. “I’m sorry I missed this all Kenma.” Kuroo apologizes. I smile and shrug, “Don’t be. It was me.” He sighs and pulls me close. “You scare me.” he says. I laugh and pull myself closer, “I know.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
